the best thing that ever happened to me in high school was about 6 years ago our teacher never showed up for class and neither did the sub so one of the guys in the class just got up and started discussing his various theories about the island in lost and started drawing different diagrams on the board and ranting about his fan theories and everybody just went with it and raised their hands for him like he was the teacher and that was the class.
selfish machines all the way
mother: is it a boy or a girl?
doctor: *puts baby between teeth* it’s a metaphor
I Don’t Know How Much Vodka I Put In This But I’m Going To Drink It Anyway: a memoir
“I lived without out a computer and cell phone when I was your age.”
yeah well YOUR parents lived without a microwave and the polio vaccine but I don’t see you giving that up
do you believe you’re missing out?
that everything good is happening somewhere else?
But with nobody in your bed, the nights hard to get through
for chinese new year they get all these famous actors and comedians together and they do a lil show and one of the comedians was like “i was in a hotel in america once and there was a mouse in my room so i called reception except i forgot the english word for mouse so instead i said ‘you know tom and jerry? jerry is here’
jerry is here
yes that was the 1 picture I wanted to show you now gimme my phone back